Over the past couple of weeks, I have talked a lot about trying to balance my schedule to better suit the needs of my family. I am currently juggling a full time corporate job, a part time job teaching indoor cycling at Flywheel, maintaining a fitness blog and trying to be the best mom and wife that I can be. There is only so much time in a day. I am starting to run out of time. Between all of the things going on outside of my home, I have found that I am expending so much energy that at times I feel like I am going through the motions of being a mom. I am watching my daughter’s life go by way too fast. I am not absorbing the details of her life that will one day seem like yesterday.
I have had a lot to think about, and honestly, I have been waiting for someone to tell me what the best thing to do is. Bless my husband’s heart. He is so supportive, yet he understands the need for me to stay engaged. I asked him what I should drop, and he told me that whatever I decided he would support. I just needed to make that decision myself.
It wasn’t until a phone call with my dad that everything came full circle, and I realized what the right thing to do was. I was on my way to the grocery store just chatting with him about my day when the burden of the whole decision apparently weighed down on me so hard that I brought it up. I ended up in tears. Was it the pregnancy hormones or the realization that I was being selfish? I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to have a happy, healthy family without making sacrifices.
I have a Type A personality on overdrive. I love working. I love feeling successful. I love being a part of an organization. It is a product of my upbringing. In my family, we joke about certain personality traits that fit the description “Wade Disease” (my maiden name). To name a few: We are always 15 minutes early (we get stressed when we aren’t 15 minutes early), passing is not enough (we are super competitive), we continue to drink the kool-aid that Virginia Tech will one day win a national championship (again competitive). It is all of these traits that have developed me into a woman who is career driven.
Until this year, I had never even considered scaling back work as a result of children. It’s funny how things change. My daughter has changed my life. I hate that I didn’t get to spend more time with her when she was an infant. I went back to work full-time less than twelve weeks after she was born. I regret it. I want to make up for it. I want to be engaged with her and her new sister. I have decided to stop working full time. Throughout the month of November I have been phasing out of my desk job and phasing her into a half day daycare two days a week. I am transitioning to a new phase of my life.
You see, what my dad helped me understand is that this time won’t last forever. Jobs come and go. With my qualifications, I certainly have the ability to work part time or start back up when I am ready. However, I only get one chance to see my kids grow up. I only get one chance to make an impact on them that will last a lifetime. Let’s get this straight. I do have some plans that I will be working on the background. Specifically on the days that my daughter is at half day daycare. I am still going to teach at Flywheel. In fact, I plan to pick up some new classes (even during the day!) after baby number two arrives. I like to think that I will not be a “stay at home” mom, but a new wave of “get out there” moms. I have realized what is most important in my life right now, and I am making the change. I don’t think I will regret it.